SeaHeart

2011 was a year that will always stick out to me, strong and vibrant. It was the year that I worked the hardest I ever have in my entire life. I wrote constantly, until the wee hours of the morning, wire wrapped more pieces of jewelry than any one person could (or should). I published seven titles. Count them. Seven. I marketed constantly, never ceasing, I talked about my books until I was tired of saying their names (then renewed my love in them again, and kept at it), and wrote even more that I didn't release to the public. (Yet--I have plans for them, you'll see~)

And I got married.

In short, there was hardly a single moment in this entire year where I did nothing. Where I sat down and read a book while not doing something else. Where I sat down and watched a show with my wife while not doing something else. I was constantly making things or writing things or taking notes for the next book/novella/short story collection or coming up with Glamourkin phrases or...

I don't regret a single moment of this year. While I worked constantly and dauntlessly, people responded to that, to my stories, and I went from going "hey, this monthly royalty check is enough to pay for some cat and dog food, and maybe a bill," to "we can almost pay our mortgage with my monthly royalty check."

Which...I mean. Wow. Most of that is from sales of The Dark Wife. Most of it. With Ragged coming out soon, which I think is going to be something a lot of people will really enjoy, I'm hoping that doubles...and then with all of the novels/novellas/short story collections I have planned this coming year, there is a very, very real possibility that we will be able to pay off our debt, and we will be able to subsist entirely on my book royalties and our Etsy shop.

Making everything I have done, all of the hard work, all of the determination and constancy so fucking worth it. :D

All I've ever wanted to do and be is an author. This year, I took the possibility of that and the fate of that in my own hands. I did something a lot of people look down on (and still do), and I decided that I wanted to self publish my own stuff, that I wanted to be in control of my own destiny. This doesn't mean that I don't want an agent or will not try to get a traditional publishing book deal (you should look at my career outline, it's INTENSE :D), because I do, definitely.

However, self publishing--aside from Jenn--has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

I was able to reach a rich and vibrant and passionate audience who have been asking for the books I've been writing for years. I was able to reach people I could touch--who touched me, in return, by loving my stuff so fucking much. It validated everything I've ever felt I had to do, but half wondered if maybe I was just a little crazy. Turns out I wasn't. You want lesbian young adult stories, and you want lesbian fantasy and fairy tales, and I finally feel that I'm doing something in the world that matters, and holy hell do people want this stuff, I can almost pay my mortgage with what I'm making on these books about courageous young ladies who love other ladies, OH MY GODS, I need a sit down.

It's not an easy road. Every day I must market, or I notice my sales slip. I have to work constantly, I have to put out new stuff often, but that's not tiring for me, because I love writing more than life itself, and I get new story ideas every day, and I write really fast and passionately, and it really is the perfect situation for me. It's like the universe opened up and said: Sarah, look--we see you've been working really hard. HERE IS AN IDEA WE THINK YOU SHOULD DO, HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT, IT IS CALLED SELF PUBLISHING. They may have said this with a universal wink. ;D

We got further into debt this year because of the stupid gas bill, and a few times in the beginning where we had to charge gas and groceries. We are very poor, and will remain very poor until the debt is paid off. We go months and months without buying groceries, but we are always, thank the gods, able to make our bills, and we always have food, thanks to my Zombie Apocalypse Cupboard Of Canned Goods(TM), and moreso than ever before, I feel confidant and vibrant in our finances, even if they stretch sometimes. You can't feel daunted--you must feel dauntless, or things cannot change. I think that was one of the best lessons I ever learned this year. No matter what, if you find the courage and passion in yourself, with a little help from your wife and family and friends, nothing else matters other than knowing you can accomplish shit.

Which is an oddly long, run-on sentence for Hallmark. But it's fucking true. I'm living proof. :)

This coming year, I see things shifting and changing and blossoming. I see the books selling more and more, growing every month (which they have). I see myself getting an agent and a book deal. I see myself getting smaller, independent book deals. I see myself laughing and hugging the love of my life as we pay off the final fucking credit card and never looking back. I see myself sitting down and snuggling with Jenn and reading a book for an entire evening and not feeling guilty about it because we've brought ourselves to the place where I don't have to worry ever again. I see myself holding Jenn close and telling her every single day how much I love her and our life together.

I see the life that we built for each other becoming more and more beautiful.

I believe in 2012. I believe in us. I believe in you.

I believe in possibility. <3

~*~

Edited to add: WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I TOLD YOU I'M WORKING ON THE YEAR END WEDDING POST? NO? PLEASE BELIEVE ME! :D <3 IT IS GOING TO BE EPIC. <3