SeaHeart

A bright, blessed Mabon morning has spread before us--a wild, untamed day of vibrancy and brilliance, leaves unfurling, and autumn descending, Persephone descending. Hail and welcome, beloved Autumn. <3 <3 <3

Today, we are applying for our marriage license. I was a little nervous that they won't give us one (they don't have to if it's against their religion), and we'll have to find another county to go to (I have activist courage about eleventy billion things regarding GLBT rights, but when it comes to my OWN WEDDING, I just want it to be all positive, all happiness--that's not such a hard-to-grant wish for most people, but for gay weddings, it is. I hate that.). Last night, I sat very still, eyes closed, and imagined them smiling when they heard the news we were getting married--getting the same reaction as all of the straight couples who go in for their licenses. I thought of all of the people who fought so very hard for us to even get to this point, and I stopped being nervous. If they treat us terribly, we'll leave, we'll talk about it, it won't stop us from getting married because nothing can stop us from getting married. That thought alone revived the great joy in my heart.

A week from today, we are getting married--legally married. We are four Glamourkins away from the completion of Operation Sparkle Wedding, we are seven days away from legal marriage, something no one can ever touch, no one can ever destroy. We'll be "official," "worth-full" in the eyes of a society that did not think this in June. I've never given a flying flip what society thinks about me, but now we're protected, we have our rights--we're safe.

Mabon is all about gratitude. Every day, I'm thankful for so very many things, but this time, the list is so much greater.

- People from all over the country are flying and driving and sparkling in to celebrate our marriage. They are taking time out of their busy lives to uphold us in love. Many more wish they could be there, will be there in spirit. We dwell in a veritable house of love, a mansion of love, a beautiful dwelling of heart and love--I could not be more grateful for you.

- We are getting legally married, a hard won, hard fought for privilege. So few of our community have this precious right...it should not be this precious, but it is, and I'm so, so grateful for it.

- Every day, every hour, every moment, I fall more in love with Jenn in my life. She is my soul mate, the celestial body to my satellite, my morning and my star rise. I love her with all that I am, every day I fall deeper into that love, I can not believe that I am blessed enough to marry her again.

Whoever you are, whatever you do, this day, I am sending you love. This is the autumn of the year, this is the resplendence of the world, this is one week from a marriage.

Oh, bliss, bliss, bliss. <333333333333333333333

We're going home~ <3

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, Jenn and Maddie and I embark on our yearly pilgrimage to the North Shore--Salem, Rockport and Gloucester, Massachusetts. I've been walking on cloud nine all day--my excitement knows no bounds.

For as long as Jenn and I have been together, we have had one deep-seated goal: move to the North Shore. Going there isn't a vacation--it's a home coming. I know every street of Salem, every nook where you can curl up with a book of magic, every boulder along the shores of Gloucester to climb and rest yourself like a mermaid. My heart is singing, home is calling...

I hope your weekend is beautiful~ <3

The Rockport sea, 2008

I know I ALWAYS SAY each of the Sabbats is my favorite, but I'm going to do it again! :D Midsummer/Litha is one of my favorite Sabbats. <3 It's so filled with joy, the ultimate time of plenty, the gardens burgeoning with life, the herald of a time of no cold, no snow, the opposite of winter. Perhaps, having lived in western New York for most of my life, I'm more highly tuned to the farthest point away from treacherous ice and snows as possible. Perhaps because it's the Sabbat closest to my birthday, and I associate such happy times and joyous moments with my birthday that it all turns into this great big package of sparkling days. Whatever it is, I love these days and celebrations with all of my heart.

THERE SHALL BE MUCH CAVORTING UPON THIS DAY. *nods* Verily. :D <3

I hope your Litha is beautiful and bright, and if you aren't of a Pagan-ish persuasion, that your Midsummer is filled with happy moments and bright, golden afternoons and fresh strawberries and iced tea and all of the comforts summer brings~ <3



Four days will quickly steep themselves in nights;
Four nights will quickly dream away the time;
And then the moon, like to a silver bow
New bent in heaven, shall behold the night
Of our solemnities.

~ from "A Midsummer Night's Dream"~ <3

we fairies, that do run...
from the presence of the sun,
following darkness like a dream,
now are frolic.

~ A Midsummer Night's Dream, V, 1

~*~

When people ask me to describe the Fairie Festival, I'm usually at a loss. "It's pure magic--you've never been any place like it. It's a community, a tribe of the heart..." I try, but it doesn't cover what it is, what it means, what it holds.

I'm a freak. No part of me is "normal." I'm a lesbian, Pagan, Witch, priestess, writer, vegetarian/vegan, heavily tattooed, pacifist, animal lover, organic gardener, I was raised homeschooled and on a macrobiotic diet and as a ridiculous sick child who went to countless doctors and could not be made well. I'm actively open about all of these things, and people ask me questions about the obvious every day--and, yes, sometimes invasive, hurtful questions. I laugh it off, I answer them, I continue on with my life. I've been threatened for what I am, but even on days when I'm not, I have to listen to people telling me why I'm wrong, and I have to explain who and what I am and why, as if it's their right to question me.

Based on my appearance or the fact that I'm holding my wife's hand, or I'm wearing a pentacle, I'm immediately judged.

I don't mind it. I enjoy being able to shed some light on some things people are afraid of, or completely don't understand, and some people have completely changed their minds about "insert subgenre here," because I'm open and kind and approachable. Most days, I'm totally fine with all of it...

But, some days, it gets tiring. If I'm having a terrible day, and I'm being particularly Cancerian and retreating into my shell, I don't want to deal with it. It's very rare, but there are those days where I don't want to be commented on, questioned, made to explain myself and be the good little ambassador into Normal Land for "my kind."

And, on those days where I find it almost unbearable...I have the Fairie Festival.

There is no place in the world for someone like me, unless I dig it out and build it myself. Most people have a place. I don't. Some of the things I am are my choices, others are simply who and what I am, and couldn't be changed, even if I wanted to. I'm a unique, rainbowed creature who has no home among people in the mall-going, everyone-wears-the-same-clothes, it-mustn't-do-to-be-different eco-system that our world has currently evolved into.

But...not at the Fairie Festival.

For three days and magical nights, I transform from a freak, from a single-glance-you're-obviously-strange person who has no society to hold her, who--by her very nature, must explain why and what she is--into...well...an accepted, loved and beautiful creature.

At the Fairie Festival, I am simply a fairy among fairies, nothing more and nothing less. I get to wear the wings I always know I have anyway--just on the outside, this time. I get to be among people who laugh and open their arms to me when I hold hands with my wife. In 2004, right after I proposed to Jenn, we left the Festival, hand in hand, and a little old man smiled at us and said: the fairies love it when you love each other! That comment, alone, personifies what the festival is.

It's acceptance and love and community and tribe and deep compassion and kindness and wonder and beauty and the exact opposite of cynicism and awe and joy and jubilation and everyone is equal and nobody gets hurt and everybody is beautiful and amazing and no matter who you are or what you profess or your creed or your religion or who you love and who you can't help but loving or who you want to become or who you've been, there's a place for you here, here, here, and there's always been a place here if you can find your way home. Because that's what this is: home.

When we get handed a tract about how we're going to hell because I have my hand at the small of my wife's back, when there are picketers who hold up signs that witches were made for burning, when someone hands me a piece of meat and laughs when I won't eat it, when I'm told repeatedly how it's almost impossible to get published and I shouldn't hold my breath and I probably never will be, when people tell me we'll never get out of debt or that having dreams is fucking stupid or there is nothing beautiful about this beautiful, mad and amazing world...I find the strength within me to act out of grace and compassion, and I remember--oh gods, how I remember--that there is a place that I can go and be.

Home.

To the Fairie Festival.

So...if you've ever wondered what it's like, why you should go, why we've been going since forever...that gives you a tiny, small scrap of an idea why the world needs it, why it's important, why I count every blessed star in luck that we have it. The Fairie Festival is something I can not explain, a living, breathing, magical entity like the fairies themselves who exist there. It is alive, it is beautiful, it is magic. It will hold you, no matter who you are, and it will never judge you--simply, at its very core, it will always love you. And there needs to be more of that, in this world. Simple, given love.

Come, whoever you are--be as thou wast wont to be, here, home, the Fairie Festival.

Since we are faeries at heart, Jenn and I have been going to the Spoutwood Fairie Festival on May Day since 2004. It is the happiest, most magical time of our year, and we look forward to it more than I could ever say~ :) I recommend it to EVERY single person who has even a pinch of magic in their hearts. It is the most community driven, joy filled event in the world--it is a dream come true, and a heart place and time for us~ <3 (You can go back through my Fairie Festival tag and see our story of the festival--this is the place where I proposed to Jenn in 2004. <3333)

Me and a baby water fairy in 2004~


I have watched the steady progress of Glen Rock Fae: The Spoutwood Fairie Festival Documentary with vast excitement--from the web site: "'Glen Rock Fae' is the story of the Spoutwood Fairie Festival, which is the largest and longest running May Day fairy festival in the world." The documentary is FINALLY finished, but the director needs our help!

Though the documentary may be finished, money is needed in order to get the DVDs pressed and created--that's where we come in! Over at their Kickstarter page, you can contribute as little as $1, and the funds will go to getting the DVD out into the world. More people need to know about the wonder and magic of this festival, and the DVD is the perfect way to do that!

If the festival has ever touched your heart, if you've ever experienced it, if you've loved reading my posts about our experiences there--please consider contributing. Though Jenn and I are incredibly strapped for cash, we found some somewhere, and gave it up so that this thing can live. :) We are so excited about it, are already gearing up our costuming ideas and excitement for the festival in general, and simply can't wait for its release.

Please consider donating--thank you so much~ <3

Every night, I hoop at twilight. The first stars are faintly shining in the sky, the sun is gone, but the splash of color on the horizon will last for about forty-five minutes, giving me enough light to dance.

The fireflies come out, one by one, and shift and move around me, dancing, too. It's hard to describe, that connection, that feel of earth beneath bare feet as I twirl things into being. I imagine the Goddess, shaping the world with a spiral, and I swing my hips to a sound only I and the fireflies can hear--a song made by the stars, the crickets, the waning moon overhead, the trees as they shift, pressing soft leaf tongues against the wind--the robins, as they put their babies to bed, singing lullabies in feathered language.

My heart beats fast, when I spin the hoop. The larger, heavier ones require more effort, and your skin has to stay connected to them longer to keep them in the air, suspended. You don't fight the gravity, you realize that you're a part of it, and if you romance it a little, it won't fight you, either...

It's such Witchcraft, these magic hours. I belly dance, when my hips begin to ache from too much spinning, moving myself like a serpent-made-human. I undulate, hold out my arms to the fireflies, spin and weave and whir, a piece of living clockwork in the greater Universe.

I lay down, spent, last night, body cupped by soft grasses, gentle dews, as I stared up at the stars and traced the pictures I know by heart. There is the great bear, her head held high, while she smiles indulgently down upon the world, holding us all in her great ursine embrace. I felt such magic all around me, felt so connected that I could not have spoken, even if I wanted to. I was mute, silent to the pervasive beauty and awe in the line of every living thing.

I held up my hoop to the stars, my body cradled by the earth, my hoop suspended in the heavens. I thought about what it is, as a Witch, to cast the circle, to invite the elements to witness your great rite, to draw down the Goddess from a sickle moon into your heart. I thought about magic, I thought about how it exists within me, within all things, and in that moment, I pressed my hand against my heart, overwhelmed by the greatness of the universe, and my own smallness. And how, despite my tiny spirit in comparison to a star--I am still cradled, I am still loved. I am still held.

And I set the hoop down around my feet, as I stood. And I raised my arms up to the heavens, cradling them in my arms, as I imagine the Goddess does.

I was too filled with gratitude to tell Her the two words my entire being sang. So I write them here:

Thank You.

"You should not fill your head with foolish dreams. What are you reading?"

"How a Princess Edane,
A daughter of a King of Ireland, heard
A voice singing on a May Eve like this,
And followed half awake and half asleep,
Until she came into the Land of Faery,
Where nobody gets old and godly and grave,
Where nobody gets old and crafty and wise,
Where nobody gets old and bitter of tongue.
And she is still there, busied with a dance
Deep in the dewy shadow of a wood,
Or where stars walk upon a mountain-top..."

~ from The Land Of Heart's Desire by William Butler Yeats



~*~

We have returned from the Fairie Festival. Recap post coming soon--it's almost impossible to believe it's all over. I am a wee bit more than a little sad.

Because there's too much sadness and worry, I'm switching gears. Thank you so much for your prayers and good energies for Solstice...If you could please keep her in your thoughts and prayers, I'd greatly appreciate it...I'm going to try and focus on happy, hopeful things today to help raise her energy--and ours. :) <3 (Jenn didn't get picked for jury duty--so that's one happy thing~)

And, obviously, the Fairie Festival is almost ONE WEEK AWAY!!!

(To those new on my friends list, the Fairie Festival at Spoutwood Farm is the highlight of our year~ It was the first trip that Jenn and I went on when we became a couple, and it was where I proposed to my sweetheart~ The place holds so much magick and mirth and true, deep joy that we look forward to it more than any other time of the year...)

We put a lot of thought and planning into our costumes each year...thank the gods we have so many different costuming pieces, because we're going to try and construct most of our costuming this year from what we already have. I'll have to make a few wings and head pieces and hair falls, but other than that, it's fairy-closet-raiding-time!

Friday
Jenn: Pioneer Fairy
Sarah: Cowgirl Fairy

Jenn came up with this pair, actually...for Yule, I gave her bloomers and a (yet another to add to her collection) bonnet, and she has a vintage prairie dress...so all that needs to be added to this is LOTS OF SPARKLES (please don't ask me where prairie women got their sparkles, I probably don't want to know XD), and wings. All I need to make her wings is a quilt fabric and some time. For myself, I have a cowgirl skirt and hat (which should surprise no one) and a plaid shirt. All I need for myself are wings, which I'm going to make out of bandana fabric...which is the only thing (and time) I need to create them. Also, sparkles. I've been trying to find an old pair of cowboy boots at a thrift store with no luck...I usually go barefoot anyway (I'm immune to poison ivy!).

Saturday
Jenn: Pink Unicorn
Sarah: Purple Bellydancing Unicorn
Everyone (is invited to be in our): Glory of Unicorns

I had the outrageous idea to do a Glamourbomb right in the middle of the festival...lots of fabulous, wonderful people who I know and love are coming this year, and everyone is invited to be a unicorn on Saturday! Let me know if you can't find a horn or don't know how to make one, and I can help you~ A "Glory" is a herd of Unicorns...wouldn't it be fabulous if there were multiple unicorns roaming the festival? ;D Rachel and Kat and Corey are definitely (hopefully? *bats eyelashes*) going to be unicorns...it'll be fabulous together~ I have a beautiful purple flying skirt which I'll layer over black gauchos and purple and black striped high socks, my usual bellydance choli over a purple tank top, lots of purple hair falls and our sturdy purple wings...all I have to do is make the hairfalls and horn and flower encrusted headband. Jenn will be pink, wearing a floofy medieval style skirt and dusty-rose top, with beautiful cellophane wings and her awesome pink wig (with the antennae bent over to form ears). All I need to make for her is the flower and horn encrusted headband. I also need to make Rachel's headband for the excursion~ :D

Sunday
Jenn: Jellyfish Fairy
Sarah: Untamed Woodland Fairy

For years, I've wanted to do a very wild, raw, back-to-nature type fairy, and since that's what I'm invoking this year, I thought it'd be very powerful to aspect that in a costume at the festival. I'm going to need to make an outer skirt (there will be several layers of skirts), but I have the wings--I'll also need to make hair falls in the appropriate color. Now, Jenn's costume is the one I'm probably the most excited about over the weekend. She'll be wearing my Tribal Mermaid fringe belt, I'll make the appropriate color of hair falls (it's a very hair-fall-y kind of year), and then the WINGS. I can not adequately describe our plans for them. You'll just have to wait and see. ;)

So! I realize now, after the emails and private messages that I should have left comments open on my last Fairie Festival post...lots of people had questions, and so many people are coming!! What are your costume plans? Do you have anymore questions? Let's have happy times and discuss~ I can't wait to see you guys!!! ;-; It's going to be the most blissful and wonderful festival yet--and everyone is perfect, so that's saying so much~

Nine days!!!!

"Might I," quavered Mary, "might I have a bit of earth?"

In her eagerness she did not realize how queer the words would sound and that they were not the ones she had meant to say. Mr. Craven looked quite startled.

"Earth!" he repeated. "What do you mean?"

"To plant seeds in--to make things grow--to see them come alive," Mary faltered.

He gazed at her a moment and then passed his hand quickly over his eyes.

"Do you--care about gardens so much," he said slowly.

"I didn't know about them in India," said Mary. "I was always ill and tired and it was too hot. I sometimes made littlebeds in the sand and stuck flowers in them. But here it is different."

Mr. Craven got up and began to walk slowly across the room.

"A bit of earth," he said to himself, and Mary thought that somehow she must have reminded him of something. When he stopped and spoke to her his dark eyes looked almost soft and kind.

"You can have as much earth as you want," he said. "You remind me of some one else who loved the earth and things that grow. When you see a bit of earth you want," with something like a smile, "take it, child, and make it come alive."

(from The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett)

Our cucumber seedlings~


( A few more~ )