SeaHeart

This is the last time you'll see me before I get legally married.

In a matter of hours, some of my most favorite people in this entire world, my soul family, begins to trickle in to the western New York area from all parts of the country. There will be embraces and laughter and tears and glitter BAMs and love, love, love, love, love.

I am so overflowing with gratitude and joy and sparkle, I have no idea what to do with myself.

My beautiful, amazing, perfect, wondrous, sparkly bride and I will legally be married in two days.

SPARKLE WEDDING. TWO DAYS.

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A bright, blessed Mabon morning has spread before us--a wild, untamed day of vibrancy and brilliance, leaves unfurling, and autumn descending, Persephone descending. Hail and welcome, beloved Autumn. <3 <3 <3

Today, we are applying for our marriage license. I was a little nervous that they won't give us one (they don't have to if it's against their religion), and we'll have to find another county to go to (I have activist courage about eleventy billion things regarding GLBT rights, but when it comes to my OWN WEDDING, I just want it to be all positive, all happiness--that's not such a hard-to-grant wish for most people, but for gay weddings, it is. I hate that.). Last night, I sat very still, eyes closed, and imagined them smiling when they heard the news we were getting married--getting the same reaction as all of the straight couples who go in for their licenses. I thought of all of the people who fought so very hard for us to even get to this point, and I stopped being nervous. If they treat us terribly, we'll leave, we'll talk about it, it won't stop us from getting married because nothing can stop us from getting married. That thought alone revived the great joy in my heart.

A week from today, we are getting married--legally married. We are four Glamourkins away from the completion of Operation Sparkle Wedding, we are seven days away from legal marriage, something no one can ever touch, no one can ever destroy. We'll be "official," "worth-full" in the eyes of a society that did not think this in June. I've never given a flying flip what society thinks about me, but now we're protected, we have our rights--we're safe.

Mabon is all about gratitude. Every day, I'm thankful for so very many things, but this time, the list is so much greater.

- People from all over the country are flying and driving and sparkling in to celebrate our marriage. They are taking time out of their busy lives to uphold us in love. Many more wish they could be there, will be there in spirit. We dwell in a veritable house of love, a mansion of love, a beautiful dwelling of heart and love--I could not be more grateful for you.

- We are getting legally married, a hard won, hard fought for privilege. So few of our community have this precious right...it should not be this precious, but it is, and I'm so, so grateful for it.

- Every day, every hour, every moment, I fall more in love with Jenn in my life. She is my soul mate, the celestial body to my satellite, my morning and my star rise. I love her with all that I am, every day I fall deeper into that love, I can not believe that I am blessed enough to marry her again.

Whoever you are, whatever you do, this day, I am sending you love. This is the autumn of the year, this is the resplendence of the world, this is one week from a marriage.

Oh, bliss, bliss, bliss. <333333333333333333333

- Glamourkin update tomorrow night! Last update before the wedding--a final hurrah, as it were. <3

- I AM VERY SORRY IF I AM CURRENTLY A LITTLE SPACEY WHEN IT COMES TO EMAILS OR TWEETS OR WHAT NOT. If you have something important to tell me, and I don't get back to you, I AM SO SORRY, PLEASE ACCEPT MY GLITTERY APOLOGY. Sparkle Wedding is a MAJOR THING, and since we're doing EVERYTHING FOR IT, my brain is on all sorts of little post it notes, and scribbled somewhere on walls, and sitting in dishes in thrift stores. Hopefully not in dishes in thrift stores. That'd be kind of messy. Either way, if I don't reply, please bug me again! It doesn't mean I don't love you--I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH. It means that I'm a forgetful person in general, and remembering elevnty BILLION things for the wedding has my brain stretched in delightful new ways it has never been before. :D /End Sparkly Service Announcement

- So, Jenn's fabulous entry detailing car shenanigans? I WOULD LIKE TO UPDATE THAT: WE STILL DO NOT HAVE A CAR. We have named our rental car Sophia. I love her, but I want Xena. /Could be taken so many ways

- Jenn looks ridiculously beautiful today. She's wearing the Boston t-shirt that we got from a street vendor for five dollars in Boston, and every time I look at her, I remember how excited she was that we'd found one (her Dad bought her one when she was little, and that was one of her favorite memories--I wanted to re-do that for her, so we found a vendor, and I got her a five dollar shirt. It sounds more romantic in my head, I promise). She's in such good spirits, even though we have five thousand things left to do and organize and get together, and some things aren't working out (LIKE NOT HAVING A CAR), but everything is just so funny at this point, and I love her so much, and none of the STUFF matters. It's all about my amazing fiancee, and the fact that IN ALMOST ONE WEEK, I WILL BE LEGALLY MARRYING HER~ <33333333333333333333333

- I'm reading Swinging on the Garden Gate: A Spiritual Memoir by Elizabeth J. Andrew, about finding faith, love and acceptance for her bisexuality in the Unitarian church, and it's just beautiful beyond description. I keep wishing it wasn't a library book, because five thousand things would be underlined. So deeply recommended.

- We found crayons at OfficeMax for ten cents a pack. Jenn's most-favorite-idea-but-would-probably-never-be-able-to-happen thing about the wedding will actually be able to happen now. But I can't tell you what it is. :D /Sneaky

- IN CONCLUSION, I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS IMAGE THAT THE LOVELY LAURA PHOTOSHOPPED FOR OUR WEDDING.

It is almost two weeks until the wedding. Two weeks. Twoooooooooo weeeeeeeeeeeeks.

So, in a fit of trying to save money, I was like: HONEY, WE SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE THE FOOD FOR THE WEDDING. She looked at me and blinked and patted my arm and said: you say that now, but when it gets close, you're going to be tearing at your hair and wishing you never said that. And I replied: BUT WE COULD GET RAINBOW COLORED DISHES AND IT COULD BE EXTRAORDINARILY PRETTY AND NO ONE HAS VEGGIE OPTIONS THAT ARE INEXPENSIVE AND TASTY AND THIS IS THE ULTIMATE SADNESS. And she replied: okaaaaaaay. But just remember--this is going to be a lot of work...

And, at the time, I was wearing my Lesbian Bride super-heroine cape, and pish-poshed her gentle reminders and was like: WE SHALL DO THIS AND IT SHALL BE MIGHTY.

Now, two weeks until the wedding, I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA.

Seriously? Seriously? We have to set up the entire church! We have to set up the reception hall! We have to set up everything and decorate the entire hall, and we're going to be making food for sixty plus people the day before the wedding?

We chose our bridesmaids and wedding party well. No one has said: SARAH, WHY DO YOU HAVE THE CRAZIES. WHO COMES UP WITH AN IDEA LIKE THAT OMG I AM NOT HELPING. Instead, everyone is saying: DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, WE'LL COME TOGETHER AND CHOP VEGETABLES AND IT'LL BE A PARTY AND HAPPY TIME YOU'LL REMEMBER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WE LOVE YOU DON'T WORRY.

To which I remain tearful and give internet and phone hugs and try to stitch together the last pieces of Sparkle Wedding.

So, when we say "this is a DIY wedding!" really, the amount of DIYness is through the effing roof. We're writing the entire ceremony, have made all of the favors, the food, all of the decorations, the playlists, the jewelry, the flowers, the seating thingies...the only thing we didn't hand make is our dresses, and Katie's altering them, so does that partially count? XD My entire life is built on creativity and crafting, and I love all this, but may I point out that we've had about a month and a half to do all of this?

May I also point out that I'm writing a couple of books right now? And working on short stories for an anthology, contest and my own anthology? And making Glamourkins and hair flowers to sell so that we can actually have a wedding?

Which--by the way--Glamourkin update probably this Sunday--the last hurrah of Operation Sparkle Wedding. :D /KmartVoiceover

If I step out of myself and look at the insane whirlwind that is our lives right now, I have to chuckle. How did we think that two ladies--two ladies with almighty work ethics, but still--could pull this off?

But we're doing it.

Every day, I come home and Jenn has completed eleventy billion things, and we work long into the night on all of these projects. I take these moments where I sweep her up in a tight embrace and kiss her and tell her how ridiculously happy I am...

Because all of this is cake. Really, it is. It makes me so happy to be covered in glue and glitter because I'm working on things for my legal wedding. My lesbian, legal wedding.

When I first met Jenn, we never thought this was possible. I suppose that was pessimistic for a usually extraordinarily optimistic lady--but it's true. I just thought that I would love her forever, and screw everyone else, really, it didn't matter. But it did matter. It mattered a lot. When gay marriage began to pop on the political radar, I was ecstatic...discouraged at how so many people advocated against it, but really, I was undaunted.

Surely, someday, it would happen to us if we kept believing, if we kept fighting, if we kept asking and working for it...

That day has come.

I know that day is going to come for all of my gay loved ones who want what we have so effing desperately. I know it--I know it to my bones and back.

No wedding should ever have to be an activist action. No wedding should ever be looked down at. No wedding should ever be derided or laughed at. But ours has been. Ours has been by people who don't think that lesbians should have the right to marry, ours has been by people who are bitter that the measure passed in NY state.

And, to them and the rest of the world who thinks we shouldn't be doing this, that it's wrong that we're doing this, I look at you and politely smile and say: hope you enjoy the extra sparkle we'll throw into those lesbian wedding pictures for you. :D <3 <3 <3

In two weeks, I am marrying the love of my life. In front of all of our loved ones--some who could make it to the last sparkling affair, most who could not--I will take my vows, slip the ring onto my beloved's finger, kiss her and seal that most splendid of unions that humanity created.

That NY state has now allowed to me. As if I were, actually, human.

Thanks for finally noticing, NY.

Two weeks until an activist action. Two weeks until a Sparkle Wedding. Two weeks until rainbows and big gay unicorns and fairies cavort in a church that will experience its first gay wedding in sparkle and style.

You have supported us and loved us and cherished us, because, in spite of, no matter that, we're gay. You look at us and do not see our gayness. You see two women, madly and sappily in love.

It's because of you that we're here. It's because of your support that we never gave up believing. It's because of your love that we are going to walk down that aisle, hand in hand.

You guys.

We're getting legally married in two weeks.

Can I get a big "fuck yeah" to the universe? <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333

I MADE THIS GRAPHIC AS A TRIBUTE TO OUR LOOOOOOOOVE. IT DOES NOT HAVE A UNICORN ON IT, UNFORTUNATELY. IF IT DID, IT WOULD BE PERFECT.


(THE POST TITLE IS RELEVANT TO MY INTERESTS BECAUSE THE RAINBOW CONNECTION IS THE SONG THAT THE WEDDING PARTY IS WALKING DOWN THE AISLE TO. AND NOW I HAVE GIVEN AWAY A SPARKLE WEDDING SECRET AND WILL SHUSH. :D *zips it*)

Today, my sister Laura (a professional photographer among many other things!) went with us to Tillman Nature Preserve to do our engagement photoshoot--Engagement 2.0. XDDDDD

Jenn is the most beautiful and amazing woman in the world--last night, we figured out what we were going to wear for the shoot, and she kind of slayed me when she put it all together. It's one of her favorite outfits, and she's worn it many times before, but today, out in the colors and magic of that place, she glowed with love. Tillman was where I did many, many spells of hope to the Goddess when we were in our long distance relationship, asking Her to let Jenn and I be together. It was a perfect full circle to take our real, legal, this-is-totally-happening engagement photos there, in some of the same places where I poured my heart out to the universe, asking for one thing: her, always.

<3 <3 <3 I am so in love with this woman, it's something I can not contain. My sister did an exquisite job of capturing that in this photoset. I'm humbled and grateful that she was able to create such magic, and to take such beautiful photos. I love you so much, kitty--thank you~ <3

You can see the whole set here at our Flickr~ <3

This teepee has been in the woods for years. No one knows who made it. We MIGHT know who put that heart banner on it, though. XDDDDD


( My favorites with COMMENTARY. *LOVE* )

I am so effing in love with these photos, and so happy, I can't stand it~ It makes up for the dress situation still not being resolved. I shall live on LOVE AND FAITH ALONE! *triumphantly shakes little fist*

Edited to add: I JUST received an email that my dress order is ALMOST COMPLETE. They bypassed all of the other steps they were talking about (no phone call, no communication! *laughs*) WHICH I DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT. *crosses every finger* OMG, C'MON, UNIVERSE!!!!!!

So, I ordered both of our wedding dresses on Tuesday with expedited shipping. I went with getting them both from MackTak Mart--a super reputable evening gown and designer dress boutique in New York City. I'd heard of them before, they had super high ratings everywhere--they were really awesome to work with. I actually called in, because I wanted to make absolutely, positively certain that they had my dress in stock. Jenn's dress was from this year's collection--mine from a few years ago. She swore up and down, totally, they had it in stock, it would ship this week.

I was driving home from work today. Jenn had come into the city with me to mail the Glamourkin and Garden of Antheia packages, and any day I get to drive in with Jenn is just the super happiest of days. We were on our way back from my work, talking happily about wedding details, when my phone rang.

"It's a NYC area code! It totally must be Karyn, but I don't know why it's not coming up as Karyn..." I told Jenn, and took the call on speaker. "HIIIIII KARYYYYYYYYN!!!!!" I squeed. The woman coughed a little and said: "Um...hi...about the dresses you ordered..."

My stomach sunk through the floor of the car. "We totally have the one," she said, and hemmed and hawed a little before she pronounced the death sentence: "but the other one is unfindable."

"Unfindable?" I wailed. I totally wailed. "But you said..." "I know what I said," she answered, and she sounded so sorry about it. "And I am sorry...but it's not in the warehouse. It's not with the designer. It's not ANYWHERE."

I thanked her and hung up and was in total and complete shock. I've wanted this to be my wedding dress since I saw it a few years ago. This was my dress--my dream dress. I had several long moments of pain coupled with further pain, because she'd informed me that the funds would stay with them for three to five days before they could take the hold off the card. So--it might be until NEXT FRIDAY before I could even order another dress.

I was in shock until we got home, and Jenn--being absolutely beyond wonderful--plunked me down on the loveseat, put the laptop into my hands, and said: "either find the old dress or find a new dress, but you absolutely must find a dress. C'mon..." And then she got me some water and rubbed my shoulder while I set about the impossible task of finding one.

I called so many dress shops I lost count. No one had my dress. I despaired. "I don't think it's supposed to be my dress..." I muttered to Jenn who said: "it's going to be okay, I promise--why don't you look at other dresses?"

So I did. I looked through all of the other dresses on that site and many, many others.

I saw one I sort of liked, but it didn't hit me in the heart. But I just said, "okay, I have one," and Jenn said: "are you sure? You don't look happy--maybe keep looking..."

And I found it.

I loved it. I loved it more than the original dress, and I never, ever, ever thought I could love a dress more than the original dress. But I DARED not get my hopes up too much, so I called MackTak immediately. They were closed.

But. The little "live chat, online now!" thingy was on their site.

That's so shady! Who has a live chat on a DRESS SITE? But in that moment, I did not care AT ALL, and I called it up and started talking to this guy who was totally reasonable, and really nice, and promised me ten ways until Tuesday that they had the size I needed in stock. The terrifying part is that he needed my original order taker to help him fanangle it.

So, sometime tonight I'm supposed to get an email, and sometime tomorrow, I'm supposed to get a phone call, and if they can VERIFY COMPLETELY that the dress is in stock, they'll charge me the difference and ship it out right away. If they have it. If they can get it to me before the wedding.

SUCH SHENANIGANS. I FEEL LIKE WE SHOULD HAVE A REALITY TELEVISION SHOW: LESBIAN WEDDINGS, BRIDES GONE DRESSLESS.

So. With many, many, many if's, I'm putting my trust into the universe and believing that THE FOLLOWING IS MY REAL WEDDING DRESS.

I love it so much. I hope it is. <3

OMG, we are so ridiculously close to being able to order our wedding dresses!!!!!! Only $150 left to go until I can call up that most glorious of sites and say: YES, I WOULD LIKE THEM SHIPPED IMMEDIATELY, THANK YOU SO MUCH, SPARKLE, SPARKLE.

The ONLY stressful thing about all of this for me is the fact that we have NOT EVEN TRIED ON OUR DRESSES YET, let ALONE order them, and it's SIX WEEKS UNTIL THE WEDDING.

I think we can do this, you guys. The next Glamourkin update is two weeks from now. Hopefully the next Garden of Antheia update is this coming Monday. Insane while making everything for and planning every last part of our wedding? Yes, I know. :) But the ONLY way we can make this wedding a reality is if we put enough sparkle into it, and we've both been working around the clock to GET THIS DONE!

The only thing we needed out of this past Glamourkin update, timing wise, was the dresses and my pair of wings. We are SO CLOSE to that reality. Every RT, Facebook post, mention, order, purchase, sparkle and bedazzle goes to that. We are SO CLOSE. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! <33333

FOR FULL SPARKLE EFFECT, HERE IS MY DRESS:


AND THIS IS JENN'S DRESS. MAY I JUST POINT OUT THAT SHE WILL LOOK MORE EXQUISITE THAN A UNICORN/PHOENIX COMBINATION IN IT? I KNOW, SERIOUSLY.


Edited to add: Holy crap, we are only $25 away from being able to order the dresses. I may faint. Or nom more chocolate. Such is the POWER of the INTERNET. Apparently, you love lesbians getting married. THANK YOU FOR THAT. <3 <3 <3

Edited to add: THEY ARE ORDERED. MY JOY KNOWS NO BOUNDS. <33333333333333