SeaHeart

Oh my goodness. So, at crazy o'clock this morning, my mum calls me in a panic. Her car has a flat tire (WORST TIMING EVER), Dad is already at work (he goes very early), and one of her dogs, A, has an infection that Mum thinks has turned into pyometra (my Mum has been breeding dogs since before I was born, still is). You don't want to know what pyo is, trust me. Can I come and take her and said pup to the vet? (Pyo can kill VERY quickly if it's not operated on.) So, today is the Fable Tribe update, but I drop everything to rush to their house, and then proceed to wait eleventy billion hours in the vet's office with a very worried Mum and very sick dog who was very sad. :( :( :( (I spent all morning hugging her. Oh my goodness, that poor baby. ;-; She's related to my Newfoundland soulmate, Beethoven, so it was devastating to see her like that.)

Jenn, being amazing beyond reason, EVEN THOUGH SHE HAS NOT UPDATED AN ETSY SHOP IN ELEVENTY BILLION YEARS, got up super early, took all of the pictures, and began the update. ;-; <3 <3 <3

So! I'm finally home! A is in surgery (she *did* have the infection, but it was detected, and can be operated on, so she's going to be okay hopefully--good thoughts appreciated!), Mum is feeling relieved and happy, and ALL of the Glamourkins are already added to the shop because I have the best wife in the ENTIRE COSMOS. ;-; <--weepy with gratitude.

So, all I have left to do is the hair flowers and Seeker Stone sets! Want to follow along with the rest? See the last bit of what's coming at our Flickr, and follow along with the last part of the update our Etsy shop!

TheFableTribe.Etsy.com

Everything I type is too little or too small, and I keep backspacing and trying again. I'm exhausted, but I have to put it down into words, because if I don't, the sharp piercing quality of this day will fade, and I want to remember that feeling of complete and utter hopelessness, and exactly what it felt like to hold the thrill of ultimate jubilation and joy and euphoria and love in my heart when I saw my little lost boy.

Because we found Link. WE FOUND HIM. <33333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Moments after finding him--it was almost pitch black out, so a crappy camera phone picture is all that I have. There's a whole hell of a lot of love in this picture. <333333333


I woke up at dawn. Obviously, from the tenor of last night's entry, I'd passed a sleepless night, and I cried oceans. I slept over at my parents' house, in my old bedroom, and I listened to the wind in the trees, what has always been my ultimate comfort sound, but I felt nothing but despair.

I believed I would never see my precious, beloved boy ever again.

Link is a very special dog, and he requires a lot of love and kindness, because of how terribly he was abused before the shelter saved him. He panics very quickly and easily, and I honestly could not imagine how he could survive a night without getting run over by a car. I couldn't. I tried, Goddess knows I tried to pick up the scraps of hope, but it was impossible for me in those moments. I've lived and loved and worked with Link for almost his entire life, years, and I know his reactions, and I knew how terrified and alone and just...gah, starting to cry writing this, so gotta reel it back. I knew how afraid he was feeling, and I know his levels of panic, and all I could do was sob and ask the Goddess to help him. And me.

(I lost my first soul-mate-Collie, Luke, when he was young, in an incredibly tragic, instantaneous-horror way. Link's disappearance was OH FUCKING GODS TRIGGER-TASTIC. Most of the following despair was brought on by that triggering.)

At dawn, my Mum and I set out to try and find him again, now aided with sunshine. It was bitterly cold, and we bundled up, riding my parents' six wheeler through the many, many trails in the miles surrounding their house (they live waaaaaaaay out in the country, and it's pretty wild out there). We went forever, and by the time we decided to take a break (about noon-ish, if I remember?), I didn't have a voice anymore from calling Link so many times. Jenn had gone home that night because we'd just left everything, and the animals needed to be taken care of (and she had a transcription assignment), so she'd stayed up until FOUR IN THE MORNING working on the assignment, and then came right over, having had THREE HOURS OF SLEEP to start to look everywhere with me for Shwinky. ;-; <3333333

We went more miles. And more. Jenn had had the brilliant idea to bring Poesy. Link is OBSESSED with Poesy, and she'd reasoned that if everything but the most base instincts had fled Link, maybe he'd sniff out Poesy and come looking for us. Miles. And miles. And more miles. Hopelessness. Calling Link's name until either of us could hardly squeak. More hopelessness. Jenn pillowing my head on her shoulder as I cried. Hopelessness.

At around five, we drove to the nearest town and their Office Max to print out copies of a "missing dog" flier I'd thrown together. We got the copies printed, and then began to go door to door in all of the area businesses, asking if we could put them up. Again with the vast helpless feelings...I had to do something. We put up tons of fliers, and I talked to so many people...nothing.

At this point, it was seven o'clock. We'd gone miles, we'd covered several counties, we'd talked to so many people...no one had seen any sign of Link, we had seen no sign of Link...hopeless. I thought he was gone.

On the way back to my parents' house, we stopped at a row of little shops on the drag of the TINY town near where my parents live. I put a flier in the little music shop, and the pizzeria, and then we were just going to go back to their house, but I randomly stopped at the hardware store. Seriously, there was no reason to stop, and I was just so devastated and hopeless feeling, I have no idea why I did. "I'll just run in real quick," I told Jenn and grabbed a flier.

Inside, there was no cork board. The man at the counter was helping a customer, and the woman behind the counter was on the phone. It was the last place we were going to flier that night, and I was exhausted, so I was going to go, but I walked up to the counter instead.

The woman on the phone cocked her head at me, and I mouthed the word "cork board?" holding up the flier. Her eyes widened, and she hung up on the person she was on the phone with.

"I SAW THAT DOG THIS MORNING," she said, waving her hands. "Where is he missing?!"

I told her my parents' road, breathlessly. "YES!" she crowed, "I live on that road! He was at the corner this morning, around 11:50/noon-ish."

We'd covered that area TEN TIMES that day, but it was the ONLY lead I had, and it was a good one. I thanked her profusely, ran back to the car, and we gunned it to that corner.

Poesy, at this point, was like YOU HAVE DRAGGED ME ALL OVER CREATION, WHAT THE HELL, THIS DETECTIVE WORK IS CRAP. It was sunset, the sun sinking through the trees ominously. Soon, it would be pitch black, and we would have to give up again.

We called Link's name another eighty bazmillion times, going back and forth and baaaaaack and forth around that corner, in the meadow, in the woods, and in the startlingly beautiful ravine (with SEVERAL ACCOMPANYING CLIFF FACES, JUST FOR FUN).

I heard Jenn gasp. I turned, adrenaline rushing through my body. There had been so many times today that I thought I heard his bark, or thought I saw a flash of white, and every single time, this rush of joy would go through me followed by the worst fucking despair in the world when it wasn't him. "I saw him," Jenn told me, and I was like: "honey, are you SURE?" and she was like "YES, IT WAS HIM!!!! ON THE TOP OF THE HILL!"

I RAN.

I got to the top of the hill, and the despair gobbled me up. "He's not here, baby," I cried down to her, and she said, "go right!" I ran deeper into the woods, down to the stream. Nothing.

"Shwinky! Shwinkums! Baby!" I cried out, and I began to follow the stream.

Cliff faces rose on either side, towering over me as I followed the shallow stream bed. Jenn and Poesy came behind me. "He could climb these," I told Jenn, pointing to the cliffs. "I know he could," and she agreed, and we were just like...I think we lost him. But I said: "let's go further. Just a little further."

And we rounded the corner.

In the middle of the wide stream bed stood Link. Water rushed around him as he stood in the flow of it, staring.

And then two things happened.

I crumpled to my knees and cried out: "come here, baby!"

And this look of pure recognition streamed over his face. He went from IAMAWILDANIMAL to OMGTHOSEAREMYMOMS in a HEARTBEAT. And then the recognition was replaced with a look of such pure joy, that I swear to you--if I live to be one hundred, I will never forget that look of radiant love and joy and ILOVEYOUSOMUCHWHEREHAVEYOUBEEN in my entire life.

And he ran to us, tail wagging so hard, I thought it'd fall off.

He kissed us so many times, I was covered in them, and he pressed his little body to mine and Jenn's as we sobbed, completely unable to breathe, telling him over and over and over and over and over how much we loved him.

He was favoring his back right leg, and I want to make certain he's okay anyway, so tomorrow morning, he's going in for a check up, but--save for the EXTREME MUDDINESS--he seems to be perfectly okay. <333333333333333333333333333333333333

I have never felt more relieved, more fucking grateful, in my entire life. My beautiful baby boy is home. <33333333333

I am so happy, so content, so joy-full and filled, I have no words. <3333333333333333

He's currently fast asleep on my feet. <3333333


I am perfectly serious that when I say "I don't think we could have found him without you guys," I absolutely mean it. I was hopeless and upset beyond reaching and feeling so helpless, and knowing that you believed we could find him when I did not was, I think, the magic that brought him back to us. It was such an unexpected horror, a horror that I pray I will never have to experience again. I died today. My babies are my world, and I almost lost one of my kids today in the worst way possible. Thank you for your good energy, for your magic and good thoughts. I needed them so immensely, and they saved him. I believe it.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3 Thank you.

Now, I am going to sleep the sleep of exhaustion, the sleep of contentment...the sleep of a seventy-pound-Collie-baby-on-my-legs-squashing-my-circulation.

And it's going to be the best sleep I've ever had. <33333333333333333333333333333333333

We didn't go to church yesterday--the first Sunday we've been home and haven't gone since summer. Jenn and I lay curled up in bed, limbs tangled, and talked for hours. We did that Saturday morning, too. One of my favorite things about the weekend are the leisurely snuggles we're able to get, entwining our fingers together, cracking jokes and then getting serious and then dissolving the seriousness with jokes again. The warmth of her next to me, the softness of the blankets, the sunshine streaming through the lace curtains: heaven on earth. Precious beyond reason...

Perfect.

~*~

My mom asked me this morning: how are you coping with Shiva being gone? And I told her the truth: I'm writing constantly. It's all I do, words, words, words--it's the most potent form of relief and catharsis I've ever known, and the way I've dealt with everything in my life. When I dive into the story, there's such a sweet sense of peace in the words coming right and the story weaving as I hoped it would, and even when it doesn't, to "pull out all the stitches," so to speak, and make it what I hoped it would be again.

Nova, Jenn's parents' beloved dog, passed away over the weekend. When Jenn told me, I just sort of sat there in shock for a good long moment, then we sat and held one another, crying. Jenn's parents--both of them some of the best people I've ever known--loved that dog more than can be articulated. She was so old, so sick--they'd found her wandering on the side of the road a few months ago, emaciated (even when we volunteered at the shelter, I've never seen an animal that bad) and hardly able to walk, and did everything they could to find her original owners (who were probably assholes if her condition was any indication, which it is), and took her to the vet countless times, and--basically--Nova found the best possible home in the entire cosmos to end her life in.

We've often joked that Jenn's parents' house has a gigantic neon sign pointing to it that every stray who needs it can see. <3

~*~

My next novel, Ragged: A Post-Apocalyptic Fairy Tale is coming out January 24th--two weeks and one day. I've got to get everything set up, set up a blog tour, start to ask reviewers if they'd like a copy, do eleventy billion other things to get the knowledge of the book out there, but I'm sad and tired and feeling quiet. This isn't a bad thing--every individual needs time to grieve--but it's not a great idea when you're trying to launch the follow up to your first novel. A lot of people are looking forward to the novel, which is going to help it, I know, and this quietness will pass next week, I'm sure. I hope. Eh...

Side note: I posted two excerpts from the novel over the weekend in my Tumblr--Talula's first kiss, and then the follow up "gay" scene, which is one of my favorites in the novel. If ye be readin' them, please enjoy. <3

~*~

I spent a lot of time hugging the animals this weekend. This happens every day, but instead of singing them ridiculous songs (and then hugging them) and dancing with them (and then hugging them) and playing games with them (and then hugging them), I just...hugged them. They were, of course, very weirded out by this. "BUT, MOM, WHY YOU BE SO SERIOUS?"

~*~

We spent a lot of time putting together the Sparkle Room. If you've ever visited our house, you know how craft supplies take up every available square inch of space. There were blank Glamourkin tiles in the freezer, I'm sure. We've been wanting to make a dedicated space for crafting now, which is CRAZY since we craft everywhere in our house, but we also wanted the ability to make very dangerous things and not have the animals around.

We haven't unveiled our new Etsy shop yet, but we will soon. One of the more interesting/exciting things about it is exactly what I'm deconstructing and then constructing again, and how. It involves a hacksaw. I MAY have almost sliced off my thumb in one of my more stupid daring moves. Jenn gets very nervous when I'm hacksawing.

So, yeah. A separate room is a GOOD IDEA. :D

We had ideas for the Sparkle Room for ages, and we've been gathering them together. We wanted it to be the brightest, most inspiring space we could create, and we used a lot of things from our wedding--not only are they no longer sitting in boxes, but we get to see them everyday and get all smushy and happy, just looking at them and the memories involved. :) <3 So now there's the Temple Room for writing and spiritual endeavors and the Sparkle Room for all things crafty. When we get things a little more organized, we will take eleventy billion pictures, because WE REALLY LOVE IT, and are ridiculously happy with how it came out. :)

Jenn and I just keep wandering into it, standing in the center, and even though it's still messy, we look about with a nerdily euphoric look on our faces and say THIS IS THE HAPPIEST PLACE IN THE WORLD.

This is also helping the general sadness of the household with its BRIGHT COLORS and rampant MY LITTLE PONIES and STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKES.

~*~

From New Year's Day, on the lake shore~ <3

Let me tell you an autumn story.

In the country, fall does not come in an instant--no season changes in a heartbeat. She comes slowly, dragging her long, fiery gown behind her. One night, it's warm, but not too warm. You wrap your long sweater about you, beneath a sickle moon, for when the wind blows, it's cold. Clouds scuttle across the sky, dodging stars, bright silver. You walk far out into the meadow with your dog, mindful of all the bunnies who would rather moonbathe themselves than be chased by a very fast Collie. Everything is bright, and all the cicadas sing, a symphony that melts with your heartbeat, the whispering leaves, the bright moonshine. You close your eyes, try to remember that moment forever.

The next night, it's colder. Only a few crickets play a melody, and the night is so dark it's as if there were never stars. The blackness is velvet, soothing, and in the center of the meadow the sky melts with the towering pine trees, and you hold out your hand before you, completely unable to see it. One cricket, then two, strike up a conversation. It's cold, you're barefoot, and you shiver--the dew is freezing against your skin.

The next night, there is silence. Pure, frozen silence. You're wearing a coat, and in the moonlight, you can see your breath. There are no clouds, just the galaxy reaching overhead, a broad band of stars that looks milk-white against the burnished heavens. The moon hangs low in the horizon, lazy. The grass crunches beneath your boots. The husks of the sunflowers dangle mournfully along the fence of the garden, and you worry about your last vegetables, wondering how long you dare before you take in the squash. In these last, ripening moments, you could lose everything to a hard frost if you wait too long--but if you don't wait long enough, it won't be what it could have been. This is what separates a gardener from someone who gardens, and you think about that for a moment, laugh, shake your head. It was something your grandmother said, and you wonder if it's true about you. You've always harvested at the perfect moment--you've just always known when. It might be genetic, it might be magic, it might be dumb luck. You look up at the moon, wrap the shawl tighter about your shoulders, breathing in the chill air, the scent of colored leaf and pine. It's all so crystalline, so clear, so wonderful. The dog chases a bunny who outpaces him easily, and you call him back. He bounds over, leans against your leg, staring up at the same moon, too. It's a heavenly communion for half a moment--a perfect autumn night.

On all these nights, you turn to go back in, and look at your cottage, nestled beneath the moonshine or that dark sky. The lights glow cozily, the cobalt walls reflecting the glow of candle or lampshade. There will be warm tea, waiting for you, and a wife who hugs you, sleepily, giving you the sweetest, softest, best goodnight kiss.

And, on nights like these, you stand, for a moment, basking in the moonglow, in that perfect moment. You have so very much to be grateful for, your heart can't contain it.

So you pray, thanking the Lady for these years, most amazing.

And you go inside.

Last night, after we got home from a lovely dinner party with Maddie and Jared, I walked the dogs. It was late and so, so warm--the sweet, sharp scent of changing leaves had merged with the grass from the meadows, from the wind, from the moving branches. Clouds scuttled across the sky and over the face of the almost full moon.

It was Poesy's turn, and we walked out into the meadow together, intent on moonbathing. I lay down on a bed of hay and looked up at that heavenly, silver creature. Poesy nestled up to my stomach, and sighed contentedly, and we stayed there for a very long time. I didn't think of anything--I just stared up at the moon, at the clouds, at the countless stars and velvet black of the night, at the face of the Goddess everywhere, in all these things, and my heart soared, with gratitude, with love. My cup overflowed with it all, and we lay and we moonbathed in the silver light, the cicadas singing sweetly...it was the purest magic.

Poesy got bored with my silent joy and nudged my hand. I sat up, drew her into my lap and said: "it's all so beautiful, isn't it, baby?" She licked her face, wagged her tail, hopped off my lap, ready to go on to the next adventure.

I rose, too, and blew a kiss to the moon, my heart full.

And so, the Summer Queen stepped away and down, and Autumn--sweet Autumn, in all her resplendence, took the throne.

Hail, my beloved Autumn~ <3 Hail, Mabon~

I never call Link "Link" unless he's doing something naughty. He's always Shwinky, Shwinkums or Sir Shwinkerdon.

I never call Poesy "Poesy" unless she's doing something incorrigible. She's always Suppose, Poes-a or Poes-poes-poes.

I never call Pan "Pan" unless he's making romantic overtones to his sister (XDDDD Whoops). He's always Sbob, Sbobilicious, Sbobba-ganoush, Sbobby.

I just danced through the house with Sbob, singing "What's This?!" from Nightmare Before Christmas to him. He very enthusiastically loved it, licking my chin for all he was worth. Shwink is sleeping in the entryway, dreaming happy pup dreams (his tail thumps occasionally), and Poes is blinking at me, yawning hugely, ready to sleep.

I love these pups so much it makes my heart hurt, sometimes. They mean everything to me, my fur babies, my little sweethearts, my heartbeat at my feet. <3 <3 <3

Sbobba-ganoush, Sir Shwinkerdon and Suppose, at your service~ <3

I worked all day today, had to bring work home. I got done nine blessed minutes ago--a twelve hour day. I was so excited--Jenn had made me vegan ribs and mashed potatoes. It's a rare, beloved treat, and I was all like I AM GOING TO NOM ME THE HELL OUT OF SOME SOY. I went to wash my hands, my perfect plate of bread, potato and lustrous soy nestled artfully next to my laptop. I come back, and there is the bread, and the potato, and a pool of gravy where the rib was. "Sweetheart, did you put the rib on my plate?" I ask very slowly, horror dawning on me. Then, I looked for Shiva.

Shiva is the sweetest cat in the world, and--like all cats--has a small birth rite of evil. He looked at me so innocently, batting those beautiful, long lashes, licking his little chops. "Oh, Shiva, you DIDN'T," I said, looking under the table, under the couch, under the loveseat. Poesy burped joyfully, and that's when I found it. A tiny, tiny bite left of my perfect little rib, sitting in the middle of the floor. Poesy and Pan looked at me so happily, wagging their little tails for all they were worth...rib sauce on their whiskers. Shiva yawned hugely, content in his slightly evil deed done for the day.

It's like this: Shiva is a stealer. If you leave ANY food for even a SECOND, even if it is AS LARGE AS A SMALL PONY, he will take it in his sharp little teeth and carry it to his den of iniquity (ie, the fish tank stand) so that he can cradle it and give it nicknames and eat it slowly and with general gusto and delight. The rib made his cat happiness level go up to 100, and he had to have it.

I stared at my little plate of mashed potato and bread. I mean, I can't really blame him. THEY ARE VERY GOOD.

I am slightly less satisfied with my dinner now. XD

I DIDN'T DO IT.


Ps: I want the entire internet to know that Link is MY LITTLE SAINT, and I am TOTALLY GIVING HIM EXTRA AFFECTION AND LOVE RIGHT NOW because he would TOTALLY NOT HAVE EATEN MY RIB, YOU GUYZ. XD

My life in the past few weeks, in lovely little digestible noms~

<3 I got my Star Girl added to my fairy tale sleeve, FINALLY!



( Her heart was filled with stars )

<3 We picked poppies from a wild field~



<3 I'm working endlessly on editing Twixt. I have this totally unrealistic goal of being finished with edits by my birthday, July 6th. XDDDD Um. We'll see what happens.

<3 We're planning our first annual Midsummer extravaganza, which we're endlessly excited about and covered in glitter for.

<3 All of our fur babies are finally healthy~ I gave baths to Pan and Poesy last night, and told Link he was far too clean and dainty to get one. XD To which I'm sure he agreed. My two little wild muppets are always tangled in something, and their taller and more more esteemed brother is fretting on the sidelines while they chase frogs and find more ways to store grass clippings in their coats. XD

Poesy--practically CLEAN, compared to what usually happens on such outings. XD


<3 We finally have our vegetable garden rotatilled! I'm going to be consecrating the ground on Thursday (the full moon) and planting on Saturday~ My excitement knows no bounds~ <3

<3 I'm surrounded by people who love me and believe in me and my stories and never, ever, ever let me give up. That's pretty incredible, and something I am endlessly and forever grateful for. <3333333

I've been sick since Wednesday, and have been miserable and have had nothing to say other than silly little things. Like: I wish I could stop sneezing. Or: I've been thinking a lot about zombies. Or: I've been DREAMING a lot about zombies. Or: why is everything hillarious when you're sick? In a sad, sad way? XD

So instead of me being miserable, I give you: BEH BEH PICTURES. Because there is nothing to cheer a person up more than a fuzzy person. :) <33333 Or, at least, I like to think so. Our behbehs, knowing how I felt, stuck with me like glue all weekend, as always~ My beautiful sweethearts~

I don't know if I've posted any of these before or if Jenn has. I iz fuzzy headed. XD

Orca wants to get dangerous. Shiva just wants treats.


( More fluff this way! )