This Wednesday being Samhain (Halloween for all those crazy kids who don't wear pentacles and "Goddess Loves Me" shirts), I'm priestessing the FIRST EVER Samhain ritual at our Unitarian Universalist church. I orchestrated a Yule ritual there, and a very short and sweet Mabon ritual before our First! Annual! Mabon potluck, but they were both Pagan lite, in the sense that these were introductions to Pagan rituals for the congregation. This Wednesday will be the first ever COMPLETE Pagan ritual, which everyone seems to be super excited about. <3 This is what I wrote-up for our church newsletter:

Open Samhain Ritual -- The Beloved Dead
It was believed by ancient peoples--and still is by modern Pagans--that Samhain (Halloween) is the day of the year when the veil between worlds is thinned, and our loved ones who have passed on come to visit us again. Come and take part in a ritual that honors those loved ones who have gone before you, hallowing out a time and space in your life for magic. This will be a full Pagan ritual, including circle casting, Goddess invocation and a meditation. Please bring an image or trinket that reminds you of the loved one you miss most.

Samhain, I believe, is one of the most perfect Sabbats for non-Pagans to get super involved with. Everyone has a person or pet who has gone beyond, who they miss, and everyone understands the idea of honoring those who have gone before us. About a half hour before the ritual, I'm going to explain all of the building blocks of ritual--why we do it, and why we do each piece of the ritual itself. There are several people in the congregation who have been wanting to become Pagan, and several who are just open-minded awesome people, who want to be involved in meaningful rituals, so it's a very varied group. I'm so excited that people are so enthusiastic about this, and have a couple of surprises and magical ideas so that everyone carries something away from this, hopefully.

Jenn and I are both so blessed in the fact that our pastor, Lee, is so impassioned on how he backs up everything we want to do in the church. He *wanted* more Pagan involvement, and has asked me to do these things, when I showed interest in priestessing there. Everyone is so interested and supportive of our ideas, and backs us 110%. Sometimes, it makes me a little misty-eyed when I talk about our church family, and how deeply entrenched they are in our lives and hearts. We're more blessed than I could articulate. <3

So yes! Samhain! Open ritual! Lots of candles and cider and drums and magic! I can't wait. <3

~*~

I don't cook very much during the summer months because of how SATANICALLY HOT our house gets when it's hot outside. :D But cooking is one of my favorite things in the world, when I actually have five minutes in which to do it. And cooking in CROCK POTS is my FAVORITE. <3 I just whipped up a vegan pot pie in our slow cooker. SORCERY. Crock pots were invented by All of the Gods at the annual God Consortium one day, because they were like: HUMANS. THEY NEED SOMETHING AWESOME IN THEIR LIVES. And lo, verily, the crock pot was BORN. I know lots of people think crock pots are for old ladies with blue hair, but it is ALSO for YOUNGER LADIES with PINK AND PURPLE HAIR and everyone else, too.

C'mon folks. LET'S BRING CROCK POTS BACK. Like SEXY. But with more CARBOHYDRATES, surely. I will even give you my secret, super-duper crock pot recipe for my SORCERY Pot Pie:

( SORCERY and RECIPE this WAY )

It's dark out. The sun trips across the sky for only a few hours every day. The earth doesn't know what it wants to do, is half cold, half warm, thoroughly confused. It is past the Solstice, and yet we have not had snow. I hear the reports that in 1889 in Buffalo, they didn't get any snow in December, too. I wonder if they worried about the end of the world, if 1900 would bring about Armageddon, or if they were just really grateful that they didn't have to put on eighteen layers of coats and mufflers to go pee.

On the Winter Solstice, I performed my first ever Unitarian service. More people came to that service than the last three combined, curious to see what I was capable of...and they said they loved it. They warmed my heart with their joy for it, they made me feel like I had done what was needed, and they affirmed that little push in my heart that's been pushing for months. I'll...tell you about it later. <3

Afterward, we were taken out to dinner, we gave Bill his present...he shed and wiped away a single tear, and his voice shook when he thanked us. I cried when he gave us our present--my voice shook, too. Sometimes, the earth turns and magnificent things happen, and you meet the people you were meant to. And you can never predict exactly when that will be, or how long you have with them. So you're simply grateful.

I keep thinking about the people who changed my life, and the people I love. 'Tis the season for it. I keep thinking about my little goddess daughter, sending her love and light every day. I keep thinking about the women and men and boys and girls that fill my heart, and it is full, so full it might burst, and I really don't have words to convey the gratitude for the card with the sparkling glitter and heartfelt message, and the little package I retrieved from the mailbox on the worst day of the year that reminded me that I was loved, or how my wife wrapped me so close and tight beneath the Solstice tree, and how my kid sister gave me something I've been wanting since I was fourteen years old, her eyes twinkling, and how I got a phone call because "I was thinking about you, and I love you." Even in the season of darkness, of cold, of gestation and waiting and sleep, we remember one another, we reach out with warm hands to hold one another in the cold, dying light.

That's family. That's love. That's the holidays.

I'm so filled with gratitude, it's hard to articulate here. There are little things I'm grateful for: with the money we got from the holidays, and my royalties, I was able to pay off a little credit card. We haven't been able to make any headway on the cards in about nine or so months, and it was fucking exhilarating to write that check. (Normal people don't get this excited about paying off a credit card, I'm sure. ;D) We have a long way to go, but I feel hopeful about it again. My depression is--knock on every piece of wood in the world--gone. We are closing Glamourkin in a few days, and the coming creation that has been held secret is ready to burst through the doors, and Jenn and I are so filled with excitement and plans and lists and lists that we don't know how we're going to contain it until opening day. We've been to so many UU services these past few weeks, multiple services a week, but we still managed to--in the middle of Pennsylvania on the drive back up to NY on Christmas day--find one at a Pittsburgh church, randomly, and go. The pastor was so funny--he read one of my favorite stories, "The Gift of the Magi," and the sermon made me cry. <3 No matter where you are or who you are or when you go, any UU church welcomes you, a stranger, with smiling people, huge hugs, talk and coffee. It's one of the most comforting things in the world, knowing that. (And my hobby of visiting different UU churches when we travel grows by one more, putting us at...twelve, I think? I want to start a blog about it. ;D *laughing*)

The year opens up, a bright shining star of possibility. And we wait, hearts warm, hands clasped...together. <3

~*~

Below is the Winter Solstice Ceremony that I wrote for the Pullman Church--I'm sharing it here so people can read it if they wish (or, heck, you could do the meditation part, if the spirit moved you). <3 It is "Pagan lite," as this was the first service that ever introduced Pagan concepts to the church--as the months progress, I will be introducing more and more Pagan ideas, rituals, concepts to the congregation.

Lee (our pastor), Laura (my kid sister, who graciously sang for us <3) and Jenn all had parts, which I've included below.

I hope you enjoy. <3


image by uberfischer

( The Winter Solstice Ceremony at Pullman Memorial Universalist Church, 2011~ )

A bright, blessed Mabon morning has spread before us--a wild, untamed day of vibrancy and brilliance, leaves unfurling, and autumn descending, Persephone descending. Hail and welcome, beloved Autumn. <3 <3 <3

Today, we are applying for our marriage license. I was a little nervous that they won't give us one (they don't have to if it's against their religion), and we'll have to find another county to go to (I have activist courage about eleventy billion things regarding GLBT rights, but when it comes to my OWN WEDDING, I just want it to be all positive, all happiness--that's not such a hard-to-grant wish for most people, but for gay weddings, it is. I hate that.). Last night, I sat very still, eyes closed, and imagined them smiling when they heard the news we were getting married--getting the same reaction as all of the straight couples who go in for their licenses. I thought of all of the people who fought so very hard for us to even get to this point, and I stopped being nervous. If they treat us terribly, we'll leave, we'll talk about it, it won't stop us from getting married because nothing can stop us from getting married. That thought alone revived the great joy in my heart.

A week from today, we are getting married--legally married. We are four Glamourkins away from the completion of Operation Sparkle Wedding, we are seven days away from legal marriage, something no one can ever touch, no one can ever destroy. We'll be "official," "worth-full" in the eyes of a society that did not think this in June. I've never given a flying flip what society thinks about me, but now we're protected, we have our rights--we're safe.

Mabon is all about gratitude. Every day, I'm thankful for so very many things, but this time, the list is so much greater.

- People from all over the country are flying and driving and sparkling in to celebrate our marriage. They are taking time out of their busy lives to uphold us in love. Many more wish they could be there, will be there in spirit. We dwell in a veritable house of love, a mansion of love, a beautiful dwelling of heart and love--I could not be more grateful for you.

- We are getting legally married, a hard won, hard fought for privilege. So few of our community have this precious right...it should not be this precious, but it is, and I'm so, so grateful for it.

- Every day, every hour, every moment, I fall more in love with Jenn in my life. She is my soul mate, the celestial body to my satellite, my morning and my star rise. I love her with all that I am, every day I fall deeper into that love, I can not believe that I am blessed enough to marry her again.

Whoever you are, whatever you do, this day, I am sending you love. This is the autumn of the year, this is the resplendence of the world, this is one week from a marriage.

Oh, bliss, bliss, bliss. <333333333333333333333

- Last night, Jenn and I went with Hugh and Jer (and two of Jer's awesome friends) to the live Rifftrax screening of House on Haunted Hill. It was so great, oh my. XD For every major holiday (and even for some none-major), they do live screenings at certain movie theaters across the country, riffing movies like they used to do in their old MST3K days. It is still brilliance--and, perhaps, even better now (and I'm one of the biggest MST3K fans alive!). If you ever have a chance to see a live screening, do it! It's totally worth it, wickedly hilarious and positively awesome. :) Last year, we saw a bunch of Christmas shorts live, and it was just as great. I'm hoping they do one for Yule again~!

- It's totally silly and cheesy, but one of our Halloween/Samhain traditions is a visit to Holiday Hollow, which we saved to do for this Halloween weekend. I'm so sad that they're closed tomorrow--the only day we could do it. ;-; What will Halloween be like without the great pumpkin quest?! (Jenn will probably be endlessly relieved--the show changes very little, year over year, and she's always like...yay?...when I'm like WE SHOULD GO THIS WEEKEND! :D)

- So, instead, we'll probably go to the Great Pumpkin Farm Pumpkin Festival tomorrow, before...

- Maddie's annual Halloween party! :) Maddie, Jenn and I are Three Witches this year...my sister is going to be Lady Gaga, with all that entails. XD Yes, there will be many pictures.

- This is what I'm dressed up as, for work today!



( A few more! There's a surprise under the hat! :D )

- (Can you tell this is my favorite holiday? Naaaaaaaaaah~ :P)

- Our house is decorated to the nines (you can see a few pictures here!). But, my favorite thing that I wanted to share was the window display at our local cloth-work store (they sell counted cross stitch and quilting supplies, and the ladies are AMAZING--as evidenced by this window display. :P). Here is the stuff nightmares are made of (he also has an evil twin!:



- Our Samhain celebration is all day Sunday--we're going to hike at Allegany State Park--one of the most haunted places in the region (I know I've talked about that place before here--it's one of my favorite parks in the world, and it's so very steeped in ancient Native American lore, stories and ghostly encounters. I love it with all my heart~), culminating with a feast at our house, and a beautiful ritual. I can't wait~ <3

- On Sunday, Samhain, is my eleventh anniversary of my dedication as a Witch. :) Oh, blessed Mother--thank You these years, most amazing. <3

- Whatever your plans this weekend, whatever celebrations or sacred or spooky things you'll do, whatever you may spell or conjure--may it be wonderful~ <3333 Happy Halloween! Blessed Samhain! <33333

The silk scarf was long and purple, soft and warm. I wrapped it around my shoulders and sunk down into the well-worn pew with a deep sense of grace. Grace that was filled with joy and community, hope and love, purpose and reverence. It was Ostara, and together at Diana's Grove, we were about to open the gates to the season and welcome in spring.

I looked at each one of the seventeen women I had been blessed to share sisterhood and community with for that handful of days. It was intimate and personal, friendship-forming and deep magic to be around such a small number of world changers and witches. There was A, only twelve years old, shy yet impish; there was J who had shared animated conversations with me about the magic and witchery of writing. There was M who had inspired me so greatly, had made me laugh until my sides hurt. P, who I idolized, one of the greatest tarot experts I'd ever met. And, of course, Rachel, who made the weekend magic, eyes shining as she stood in the circle. In this circle, we were endlessly connected as we rose and danced in the beginnings.

I had been chosen (by a small slip of paper in a goblet) to be an invoker of Air, along with a few other amazing women. We had met for ritual conspiracy and had talked about what air meant to us, and what we would like to bring to the ritual. In Diana's Grove, ritual is community created, so we would all of us have a part. "These are our prayers and promises to Air," we began, as we moved among the women: "to grow, to flower and to fly. What promises do you give air?" The element moved among us as each cried out a promise and a prayer. To be inspired, to be loved, to be courageous...together, always together, we were drawn deeper down into the circle.

"You are the seed," Cynthea began as we settled down, into our seats, hearts beating quick with the invocation. "And when a seed begins to grow, it unfurls in darkness." She moved slowly as P picked up the drum, beating out the quietest of trance rhythms. "It reaches and it stretches and it grows...in darkness. It takes such courage to be that seed, before we break through, before we grow into the air...and what will we find when we get there? It takes such courage to grow into snow, into harsh cold, to be the first, or perhaps the hundredth. You are that seed."

My heart unfurled, like that seed, as she wove her words, as truths spilled out into my spirit. I felt every woman in the room, every heart, beating, beating, beating, like the drum. And, suddenly, there was light behind my eyes. I opened them, and in the center of the circle was a cauldron, flames leaping high.

"The sun welcomes you," said Cynthea quietly.

We rose and sang the chant, the chant of courage and connection, one to the other, and lit a candle each from the cauldron. Together, we exchanged candles, going from woman to woman as we sang. The song grew louder and louder as the words morphed into the truest and deepest of secrets: "She changes everything She touches, everything She touches changes!"

And then...and then...and then...candles flickering, faces shining, hearts upheld and connected, we finished the song, we basked in the light--we brought in spring.

What did I take from Diana's Grove? Who am I, afterward? After the ritual, I sat down in the Great Room, watching the candles flicker, too heart-full to move. J came and sat down next to me and we watched the light in companionable silence for a moment. Until I said: "You live here. I can't imagine that. One week of this, and I would be a completely different person."

She turned to me, looked deep into my eyes, and--her voice catching--said: "No...you've spent two days here, and already you're a completely different person."

And it was true.

I will not and can not forget those sacred moments. The storytelling on Friday night, as we all told the stories of the elements, and M grabbed my hand and together we walked into the center of the circle and told the story of Air. Walking the land with Rachel, laughing and crying together as we made sense of so much and learned our own truths (or, perhaps, relearned them). Finding the paths we both needed to take. Having her always be there for me, her friendship, her laughter, her kindness, her goodness and her strength. Sharing that ritual space with her, and feeling our sisterhood deepen, if that was even possible.

Playing with the dogs who make up the dog rescue portion of Diana's Grove. Finding favorites and learning their names and their favorite itchy spots. No matter where you are or where you're going, always having that canine companion. There was Percy, the Great Pyrenees, who didn't want me to go so held on to my shawl with his great jaws. There was Holly, the little Labrador baby, who followed us everywhere, a self effacing beauty. There was Abby, the pushy little Australian Cattle Dog who stayed under our cabin, soaking in the rain all night, because she wanted to be with us so much. There was Angel, the Collie who loved people but not-so-much on the pup front. There was Red Jack, the Pitbull, who made me cry when I hugged him because he reminded me so much of Beethoven...and I found peace through him. There was Georgia, the ancient hound dog, who was constantly happy, no matter what. There were countless more, whose names I never learned, but loved all the same, our guardians, our companions, our friends.

The writing workshop on Saturday morning, the tarot meeting on Sunday morning, the draws of cards, the conversations, the connections. S had put bunny playing cards with singular words or phrases all around the property, urging us to find them as a form of divination. Each one was a treasure.

The freezing cold water of the little river through Diana's Grove, rushing over my aching feet. The moment where I knelt down, heart overwhelmed in Brigid's Grove as my fingers traced the old broken statues and the bits of glass (last year, vandals broke into the Grove and trashed Brigid's Grove, smashing the statues and the well. They rebuilt it from the rubble, using the rubble, and within that was such sacredness...that you are never truly broken). Watching the daffodils push up through the earth, into the light...being those seeds.

That life changing conversation that Rachel and I had, after the ritual on Saturday, long into the night. And that promise to be that mirror for each other, always.

I am changed, and my life has changed. On Sunday morning, as we passed the round glass sphere, one to the other, to explain how we felt, what we would take from the Grove, I listened to the others relate the magic and their own truths, and felt the joy and companionship move from each one of us to the other. And as I held the warm glass in my hands, I said: "Diana's Grove reminded me to be outrageous, to be courageous, to be phenomenal. Because I am beautiful, and I am powerful, and I am that seed. And I have never felt that stronger than here." And looking around at the women who had made that weekend beautiful and sacred, I felt my heart overflow, felt it grow, felt it blossom. And I passed the glass on to A, who smiled shyly at me, and promised to remember to be magic.

We all are.


All pictures taken by Rachel~ <3

( More here... )

I haven't logged into my email all week, and just now I did...thank you so, so much for all of your kind wishes and sympathies and things that made me smile and your love. You're wonderful, and I love you, and all this love can only make the world a better place, right? I believe it so very much~ Thank you.

I'm going to be in Missouri this weekend for Diana's Grove's Women's Spring Equinox with Rachel (songtoisis), something I've been looking forward to for months. That it's coming now, on the heels of everything...well, the universe could not have planned it better, I think. The last time I went to Diana's Grove, the year of my wedding, I was so uncertain of what to expect, but I went with my heart open, excited and expectant and searching. Now, I come to the land with absolutely nothing...no expectations, no hopes or yearnings. I am nothing but a seed right now, at this exact moment, and I'm simply waiting to see what shape the Grove helps me to grow into.

Persephone returns from her time in the Underworld on Saturday, Ostara, the first day of Spring. Together, we will celebrate that return, and we will see how the winter changed us.

I can not begin to articulate how wonderful Diana's Grove is, how beautiful the land is, how very much it touches you to be in consistent sacred space, planning your day around the daily rituals, to be in constant communion with the Goddess in such a tangible way.

Great Momma, thank you for seeing me through these past few weeks. It's been so hard, but You've been there, Goddess, with love and fire and compassion and kindness when I didn't think I could manage. You have so much faith in me and trust in me, and I'm so awed by that, constantly. You have more faith and trust in me than I sometimes have in myself. If You believe, then I certainly must. Thank You for this weekend, thank You for Rachel, thank You for our sisterhood and the amazing space of the Grove and for the incredible friends I've been blessed with. Thank You for my blessings, for my pains, for my courage and my triumphs and my failings. Thank You for every morning, every sunset, every moment that falls through my fingers or that I hold. Thank You for my wife, my rock, my star.

Thank You for vegan cupcakes and ridiculous jokes and the sense of relief that comes after crying.

Thank You.

On my daily calendar, there is the picture of a blonde child, holding a box of treasure. She looks down into it, smiling, as it sparkles in her hands. I feel like that's my message for this day, for every day, for the weekend, for the time in ritual, for the communion and the celebration and the beautiful sabbat of Ostara, almost my favorite: look for the beauty in the tiniest of things. That's always the lesson, the truth, the star to follow. Even in the darkest of days or the deepest of pains, there can be hope.

The world is about to awaken.

And, as always, so am I.

If you're a Witch, you're never done. You will never stop learning or growing or becoming or evolving or changing or transforming or loving or caring or serving or being. There's so much comfort in that. You are never done. We were asked to stop, like Persephone, and look at the flowers behind us, acknowledge what we've accomplished, the people we've touched, the love we've spread. I did. I have. But I also look to all those flowers left unplanted.

Acknowledging that I am a Priestess changed my life in the tiniest and largest of ways. It broke me apart and remade me and showed me the truth of the matter. I want to be love, I want to serve, I want to change things and help and heal and give and grow. I want, more than anything, to be that embodiment of the Goddess here on Earth, to give that love to those who need it...to simply be love. And with those deeper realizations and wants and knowings, I was split apart and remade to hold it all, it seems.

The circle comes round again, back to the beginning.

And it always begins with seeds.

~*~

Oh yes, it's true then that life is good,
and I've learned the lesson it can teach:

To know the daylight you must know dark,
to know the flowers you must know weeds;
you cannot meet again unless you part,
or eat a pomegranate without seeds.

~ from "Demeter's Daughter" by Anne Lister

- We're back from our perfect, beautiful, rejeuvanating, magical, completely-and-utterly-wonderful vacation in Florida~ I will write everything out, in all its happiness, hopefully later today or tomorrow. As always, any time spent with Rachel is that blessed, physical reminder of our soul family, the joy and hearts we share together...the complete happiness~

- And OH. MY GODS. YOU GUYS. The ritual on Saturday was the most magical I have ever done. I know I always say that, but it was--I can't wait to share~ <33333

- Sadly, I got a bit sick towards the end of vacation, and am now plunged headlong into a rather icky sickness. I took today off from work, like yesterday, to try to recoup...here's hoping~

- As a side note...every year, I make this sort of declaration, and I'm making it again this year. XD I always forget that Oceanid.org expires on January 30th, and did again this time around. This means that all of my emails to oceanid@oceanid.org that were new were probably lost. I get an obscene amount of email, both regular and spam alike, while on vacation, and I'm so unhappy that I might have lost something important from you! If you emailed me, please re-email it to sarah.e.diemer@gmail.com. I renewed the domain today, but my hosting is a bit slow [notoriously so], so it should be a day or two until I can access my oceanid.org email again, so if you have anything to email, please send it to the GMail address. Thank ye kindly~ <33333

- Suffice it to say that I have a week's worth of catching up to do...but not right now. I'm retiring to bed with L. J. Smith's The Secret Circle: The Initiation based on Rachel's witchy recommendation, and my wife's singular awesomeness (of getting a book pressie for me last night because I didn't feel good. ;-; I love you, baby~). I finished the second half of Tamora Pierce's Trickster's Choice, and read all of Trickster's Queen yesterday...the best thing in the world, I think, is a day curled up in bed with kitties, a rather sleepy Collie pup, tea and books~ Which is exactly how I'm going to spend today. With hopefully a perk-up later this evening for an Imbolc ritual~ <3

Love to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And to those who celebrate, blessed, beautiful Imbolc! <333

Me, at the water's edge at Blowing Rocks--taken by Rachel~ <33333